I found myself lost, distracted, and not focusing on the right things. And yes, I did just quote a non-SF Giants manager.
That being said, I realized (a long time ago) I spend way too much time on my phone and more importantly on all of my Social Media (SM) accounts. I will be the first person to admit that too you, I don’t ever hide it. In fact, if you hid(e) me, deleted me, or blocked me…I wouldn’t even blame you. We tend to keep people in our SM feeds out of obligation (friend or family), even though we don’t want too. If you don’t want to follow me, then don’t. My feelings aren’t hurt, hell I probably wouldn’t even notice! I would/will post regardless of the number of followers I have or don’t have.
I noticed my SM behaviors were leading to less than positive thoughts and mind space. We have so much access to peoples lives, people we know and don’t know, that if you allow yourself to compare, wonder, or snoop (yeah, if you say you don’t do this, you are a liar) then you are probably leading yourself down a destructive path. I wasn’t on that path necessarily, but I also wasn’t growing as a person or doing anything beneficial for myself by being on it all the time.
Sadly, I’ll admit. I literally had to log myself out of all three accounts – Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Out of pure habit, I’d reach for my phone when I was bored and hit an app. Only to be reminded that I was taking a break from SM. At first it started with just the weekend, but then I decided to just keep going for the week. I also didn’t blog last week either, it was hard. I had plenty of things I wanted to write about, but I wanted to keep my narcissist ways in check for the week.
I tried to be more present. I tried to leave my phone in my purse for most of the time I was out of the house. At home, I just left it wherever. I didn’t reach for it all the time. However, when I found myself with bouts of boredom, I did reach to play Subway Surfer. So now I have a bazillion coins, but no SM posts.
You know it’s bad when….you go off SM for a few days and people notice. No one outright mentioned it, but it was brought up a few times by a few friends. Eye opener for me.
After a few days I didn’t really care about it anymore. I did attend a fundraiser event that I would have loved to have posted about, just to keep the awareness going for the event. But I didn’t. I realized, I wasn’t running around taking pics to post, but really living in the moment. Playing like a kid and interacting with everyone, it was a great feeling.
It really hit me how, sad/pathetic/whatever-word-you-want-to-use that my time is consumed by SM. I’m sure it’s hard to believe, but I don’t feel like I post stuff to just get likes. I just like sharing my life – the highlights, if you will. I like the outlet to share pics I snapped or repost something funny or whatever I deem interesting. You hitting ‘like’ or tapping the heart does not validate me in anyway. It means you may have liked what I posted, or felt obligated too, but I don’t think I’m a better or worse human for posting something that I like or want to share.
Yes, I don’t tend too pour (some will disagree) my heart out on SM, but I do put a lot out there. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being that open, but after taking a step back it might not be the best thing for me. In general I don’t mind it, but in all realness…no one really cares that much about what’s going on in my life. For those that genuinely do, I’m forever grateful.
SM has opened my eyes to some cool new people and things I’d never have experienced if I wasn’t so open to interacting with others on it. Being a race ambassador. Meeting new people, learning new perspectives, and taking in what they have to say via various blogs – lifestyle and/or running. I wouldn’t be so inclined to try recipes in the kitchen (I say this sparingly, be easy). I wouldn’t have found the courage to put my voice out there, no matter what the subject is, and let my written voice speak.
This past weekend, I did log back on and post for Father’s Day. Poppa Bear is so deserving of a post. And so are a few of the other men in my life! But, as I was logging back in to all of my accounts I saw myself slip back into my old habits. It made me think of one of my slightly recent blog posts about being an abstainer or not. I have a feeling with SM, I will have to keep myself logged out of the accounts until I want to post something. Sounds a little crazy right…almost like an addiction. Maybe I do have a slight form of it, not to downplay those with real addictions.
I don’t want to waste precious minutes looking through feeds that don’t benefit me in any positive way or help grow. That may be a little hippie in thought, but I still find it ever true. I don’t want to be that girl that is always on her phone. I have no qualm with being the girl who always wants to take pictures, though! I realize I’ll miss come cool stuff from family and friends, which I genuinely do want to see.
I’m almost annoyed at how conflicted I am with SM. It shouldn’t take up this much mind space or time in my life, but it does. Does that make me pathetic, maybe? Am I honest about it, yes. Am I working to change it, yes. In the end, that’s all I can ever do, is just work to be the best version of me. Maybe the open version of me is Me. Maybe it’s not. I’m willing to to take the time to figure it out.
I took my musings to a whole other level of randomness today…