I didn’t have this mindset for the many years, while I was single. Even at times during my current relationship, I’ve thought that was how it was supposed to go.
Everyone says it. — I am so in love with my Best Friend. Blah. Blah. Blah.
So, I thought it about it. Do I really want to date my best friend? Do I really want to be in love with my best friend?
I can see how many people would consider their best friend also their significant other. But I’ve decided those two roles are mutually exclusive in my world. If they are not in yours then I’m happy for you. I’m going against the grain with this thought, I’m pretty sure.
I want my best friend to be my best friend. I want that person to be able to sit across from me and we can start laughing out of no where, but still be on the same page. I want to argue with my best friend, but make up, because whatever it was was trivial in a platonic way. I want to walk into his/her house and eat whatever I want. I want their family to become my family and vice versa. I have that. I have that with a handful of people.
I thought I wanted that with J. I thought I wanted the title of boyfriend and best friend to be one in the same. But NO. I love my best friend(s) in a way that is strictly a deep platonic love of understanding, acceptance, and friendship. I love J in a way that shouldn’t be compared as such. A relationship and a friendship are just different. I agree that many relationships start off as friendships, but then they evolve to something completely different, something that is not comparable. Sometimes they last, sometimes they don’t.
I now see the difference. I thought marrying your best friend was what it was all about. But, I love the Bestest, but I don’t want to marry her. Granted, I wouldn’t ever have to clean the house. That would be fun! HAHA, but you get what I’m saying. The titles and roles are separated for a reason. I want something deeper with my significant other, that might not have a title such as ‘best friend,’ but may have very similar characteristics.
I see no problem with someone saying they are dating and/or married to their Best Friend. I just find for myself, it isn’t how I want to define these roles or titles. I want them separate. I do ‘ohh and aww’ when I see someone post a cute couple pic with a caption saying they are BFFs. I’m happy for that couple. I just don’t see the need for one type of love to overlap over two important, yet different people in my life. I do want a close relationship with my significant other, but I don’t want to just be their best friend. I want to me be more than that.
There are some things that are just easier to tell your Best Friend. On the flip side, there are some things that are just easier to tell your Significant Other. It isn’t that these ‘things’ aren’t told to both at times, but the conversations, rationalizations, and overall tone will be different when interacting with each role. Sometimes, you just need to have a conversation with your Best Friend. Other times, it’s just something that needs to be discussed between with Significant Other. I will give it to you, there are some very close similarities, BUT in the end, they are two roles for two different people.
Above anything, honesty is what I crave from both parties. I appreciate and need honest feed back, advice, and conversation for these two roles in my life. Since they see me differently, I appreciate both, respectively for their opinions and ideas. I learn different things from my Best Friend, that I don’t learn from my Significant other. And vice versa.
The love of a best friend, will never be the same love you have with your Significant Other.