2016,  Family,  Musings,  Summer

Musings: Every Summer Has a Story…

2016  was the Summer of polarizing emotions, feelings, and life.

More than anything, emotionally this was the hardest Summer I’ve ever experienced. Within the depths of deep sadness and anger, were moments of fun, travel, and good food. All culminated with happiness, but to get here was a struggle.

I’m pretty sure I came across the saying “Every Summer Has a Story,” as I was scrolling through Pinterest one day. It stuck with me. It rings so true. Even as an adult, I still live for summers. Bikini’s, tans, vacations, and watermelon — summer is my favorite season, even in the sweltering Sacramento heat. Last year I wrote a post with the same sentiment (and blog title) and I thought I’d do it again. And why not, as we say goodbye to Summer and welcome Fall!

I’ve debated on posting this or not, but as I write it out, it feels cathartic. If you would have asked me prior to the start of summer, how I thought this summer would go, I’d say it was going to be great. Even better than last year. We had fun trips planned – Chicago && Hawaii, weddings, and soccer tournaments to be excited about. Knowing those were on the calendar gave me something to look forward too, coupled with all the normal fun activities that seem to fill our Summer weekends.

However, our Summer turned sour from the beginning. Since it is not my story to tell, I’ll leave the awful details out of the blog. I don’t want you to think I’m writing this to taunt you or bait you to ask questions about it. Just know that it was something very emotional, hurtful, and heartbreaking.

When I didn’t think that we could get knocked down more, but we did just one more time. It was as bad as it was going to get. Trying to deal and cope with all of that, while also trying to stay focused on work, keeping most of the details and situation to a small handful close to me, and trying to keep J and I’s relationship strong. We felt emotionally beat up because we were. Even both of our vacations had a cloud of worry and doubt above us, even though we smiled for pics, tried to enjoy our time away, and ate delicious food.

It wasn’t until close to the end of summer, did our happiness find its way back to us. All I can say is that the truth always finds a way to be revealed. Seeing the depths of how ugly a person can be is emotionally hard to accept and as much as you try to understand it, you never will. That’s the hardest part about all of this, trying to understand the motivation, the heartless thought process that went behind such hurtful actions and hatred. I’ve come to realize, it’s not my story to understand. That person will live with their story and live with it every day.

Just as I live with my story every day. The good days and the bad days. Just as each summer has their story, it continues to the next chapter. I can now say, after going through this summer I am glad it’s over but happy how it ended. If you would have asked me about how I thought the summer would end during the midst of this summer, I probably wouldn’t have had a coherent, positive attitude or response. God, or whomever your spiritual being is, has a way of watching out over us (me) no matter how bad things feel or get.

I guess I had some learning to do this summer, I just didn’t realize it. I’ve grown as a person, but even more so J and I have grown as a couple. We had too. We were emotionally taxed with probably one of the hardest things we’ll endure. We got through, that’s what matters! There were plenty of fights, tears, and stress, but triumphantly we got through it and grew as a couple.

Here we are now, the 2nd day of Fall and we are still adjusting from our Summer story. Life won’t ever be the same after this Summer, but it is and has been pretty great the last few weeks of summer. Good news and changes happened and we were able to enjoy the last month or so of our summer. It isn’t perfect, but never is any day or any life.

I will say, this summer was an odd mix of awful and amazing, all in one fell swoop. If you can imagine the waves of polarizing emotions then you can imagine my story of this summer. I cannot finish this post without being beyond grateful for my family, who have (ALWAYS) been supportive through our rough summer. As well as the friends who I have to lean on and who support me, when I can’t quite feel like I can support myself. Also, who don’t judge nor get angry when I’m MIA and handling something important, rather support and check-in on me instead. I have no idea how it feels not to have an amazing support system, but I know I’d be lost. I am nothing BUT grateful that I can say that and don’t take anything for granted.

I knew this wouldn’t be a sunny, warm post. But some stories aren’t a fairytale like wed hope them to be. This Summer story had quite the fairytale ending, but everything leading up to was more nightmare-ish. I’m happy and grateful for how we are starting Fall. I will try to remember the good moments of the Summer — the trips, the friends, the laughter, the family, the smiles — and know that I was put through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff.

I guess every Summer can’t be the BEST story I’ve written…

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