Musings: It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way

All or NOTHING, that is!

Photo Cred // Milo

I’m pretty much like that about all things.

But I’m trying not to be. I can thank Camilo (re: Milo) my coach and the owner at Midtown for the slow change in thought process. I was telling him I had a soccer tourney and I was possibly going to skip the gym the Friday prior, to which he replied “Come in. Lift light. Get in the gym.”

It resonated. Just because I wasn’t going all out doesn’t mean that I couldn’t come in a do light weights and get my body moving. Why does it have to be an all out type of deal? And anyways, my ‘all out’ these days is not really the best. My knees are still screaming at me and everything is modified. But I’ve been pretty consistent for a few weeks and I want to keep it up. I’m so scared that I’ll self-sabotage if I miss just one day.

That being said, my body is tired and I’m scared if I miss one day at the gym that will be my gateway to the ‘nothing’ part of the ‘all or nothing’ equation. So, instead of just resting, I am going to run a couple, probably only 2 miles, and call it a day. I won’t be getting into the gym, but I’ll at least be active and sweat. Yes, I sweat when I run two miles. Shit, I sweat when I’m changing into my gym clothes :/

Again, that jerk, Comparison keeps rearing its ugly head and stealing my joy. I know, deep down, that I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone, but I’m human. I do it, more often that not. I want to be squatting without a box and with heavy weight. I want to be running races and not just watching all my friends (social media or real life) do all the races. I don’t miss doing real burpees, that I don’t miss!

I’m trying to find a balance, but the all or nothing seems to be playing me. I need to relax and remember that each day I just need to try to be better than the last. I don’t need to compare myself to anyone and their progress. Some days are easier to remember this and some days are just annoyingly hard to remember this!

Just get in the gym, as Milo’s reminds me. Or log your miles. Do something active is what I think he really meant. And I will continue to do that. I am going to work on not pressuring myself to be an ‘all or nothing’ type of girl. It’s not good for me.

Day by day, take what it gives you and be better….that’s all I we can ask of ourselves!

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