2018,  Instagram,  Musings,  Social Media

Musings: I Have a SECRET Instagram Account

No, NOT for creeping!

I can do that with my regular account. HAHA! I created an account to share the raw and authentic, yet sometimes ugly, stuff on my mind in a very ANONYMOUS way.

A good friend mentioned they created an account specifically for one topic in their life. I was intrigued. VERY intrigued. I asked for the handle and it was shared with me. I loved the posts because I’ve gone through a similar experience and I appreciated the posts, captions, and responses by others. It was then that it dawned on me, this would be a helpful tool for me.

My therapist has taught me to ask myself the hard questions and find honest answers within myself, which at times take multiple attempts to do so. So, I did that with myself while creating and populating this secret Instagram account.

Why did you create this account?
I have some very raw and authentic feelings about certain life topics that I want to share into the abyss. It makes me feel better to share them anonymously. It allows me to be very REAL and honest about my feelings. Something I cannot do on any of my regular accounts. I should clarify, I would rather not share that information on my account. Those who are close to me already know all this (the important stuff), so it isn’t as if I am hiding things from those that I care about. Some posts are happy, some posts are angry, some posts are from a hurt place — but I can share whatever I want without judgment, and it feels amazing.

Why do these feelings need to be shared?
The do not HAVE to be shared. It is cathartic for me. Another added benefit has been random people connecting to the posts and providing encouraging and supportive words, even though they have no idea who I am. The page is public. I don’t care about followers or likes. I just post when I want and what I want, knowing I can without any repercussions. I can share five posts a day and not feel bad about it. Or I can do the opposite and avoid it for a week. It truly does not matter.

Why are you sharing this on the blog?
I preach authenticity and feel like I should be open about it. Am I opposed to giving you the handle? No, not if you ask me directly. But I have never had any intention of sharing my secret Instagram with anyone. If people stumble upon it, that’s fine. But my posts aren’t here to please anyone. They are truly for me. To grieve and heal. Oddly, posting the raw, honest truth via this platform has been so cathartic.

At times, I have found myself creating posts and getting upset. So I leave it and come back when I am ready. It has brought up some serious emotional stuff, more from a place of anger and hurt, but I know overall, this is one tool for me to use to work through these harder emotions. I still have so much work to, but I am happy about my progress. Oddly, even though it stirs some anger and resentment, it has also helped me heal too. Putting these raw thoughts and emotions into shared words works for me. I don’t share these words here, because would not be anonymous. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone. But on this account, I am a small no one in a large world of one billion users.

For some odd reason I feel as if I have to defend myself here. I am literally sitting here, anticipating the negative thoughts or comments that might come my way or be had while reading this post. That is such a shitty way to think. I felt like I should share this, but as I type this I find myself hovering over the ‘move to trash’ link. I am told, over and over, that I (we all) shouldn’t care what others think. But its hard NOT too.

So this is me, doing what I want without fear of judgment or ridicule. Not caring what others think or say about me.

Continuing to find the courage to be fearlessly myself.

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