2019,  Musings,  Relationships

Musings: The BIG Question

The question that everyone keeps asking me.

I get it, it’s the perfunctory question that society tells us to ask someone who is recently-ish single. Akin to asking newlyweds when they are going to have children. Pls do not misconstrue this as saying this is right or what you should do, but its a societal norm — a norm we should be cognizant of and really ask ourselves if its a necessity.

I know people aren’t asking for malicious reasons, they are just checking in with me. But it is awkward to answer, just as I’m sure it is a little awkward for people to ask someone else.

What’s next? Are you going to start dating?

The question(s) about my dating life. Yes, I do get this more often than you would think. The thing is, while I do need a partner to reach my ultimate goal of having a family, it isn’t my sole purpose in life. I feel it is part of what I am destined for, but not my end all, be all. And I’m defintely not forcing it right now.

I’m not opposed to dating again, but I’m not craving it. I’m not actively seeking it. I’m not shut out to it, but I won’t force it. I won’t let others force it on me. I will be bolder in my dating endeavors but also be smarter. I will discern. I’ve grown and am using the past four years to remind myself what I do not want in a relationship. I’m looking for a partnership, a genuine one. That’s really what it comes down to.

While I do need a partner to create a partnership, I’m okay being single too. I’m thriving. I’m not ‘working on myself,’ but much more of living for myself. Living my truest life while practicing vulnerability. I deviate at times, but I have my therapist and myself to remind me how to get centered and truly understand where and why I am feeing what I am feeling.

So, before you ask your newly single friend or newly married friend about what is next…maybe, just maybe you can ask them how they are doing right in this moment. It’s okay to be kind and curious about your friend’s or family’s future, but sometimes we aren’t look as forward as you are. Sometimes we are trying to live in the moment and focus on the now.

I also implore you to think about this with friends and if they decide to have children. These questions are usually not asked loaded, but at times, those receiving them may feel as if they are. So, be congizant of of the person you are speaking with.

It doesn’t really bother me when someone asks, because I know it generally comes from a place of love and concern. However, I’d rather much talk about something else, anything else. I’d rather talk about vulnerability or therapy. Not if I’m on swipping left or right.

Now I can tell everyone to just come read this instead of answering the B I G question 😉

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