2019,  Musings

Musings: What Do Boundaries Feel Like?

B O U N D A R I E S.

Say it with me. Bound. A. Ries. When I was asked about them, of course I knew the word. But I also knew my therapist wasn’t referring to when I use a stick to draw a line in the ground, which determines what is your side and what is my side.

No, she meant emotional boundaries. Personal boundaries, but not limted by physcial space. BUT space is included in this encompasing idea we were disucssing. It was as if I was learning a whole new idea, even though I already ‘thought’ I knew the idea.

I had no idea. I have a better idea, but I’m still learning…as with everything.

I stumbled upon an image with the same words on IG. It really hit home for me and I thought it might enlighten someone who wasn’t as familiar with boundaries…similar to when I once was. These are essentially good benchmarks for formulating or checking-in with your boundaries.

Boundaries can vary from physical to emotional. They can also have an additional layer of severity within them. It’s easy to say ‘healthy boundaries,’ but to understand these are a whole different beast. Overall, establishing and enforcing your boundaries are important for establishing your personal identity and maintaining your mental health.

From what I gathered with my therapist, my lack of boundaries was affecting my personal identity. I attempted to set boundaries within my relationship, but they weren’t respected. I never stood up for them, so my personal identity was threatened, thus leaving me hurt and unhappy. When the strength of your emotional and perosnal boundaries is intact, you do not let anything jepordize them or yourself…and disregard anyone or anything that does not respect said boundaries.

AH-HA! This was A LOT to swallow and comprehend. Remember my idea of ‘strength’ and being a ‘strong woman.’ Well this really questioned how I percieved myself. It took a lot of soul searching and reflection to truly understand my deficiences in boundaries and how to grow from this my past. I am using boundaries like they are going out of style. Internally setting them and externally holding myself and others accoutnable to them as well.

It’s not fun, but it’s a skill that will help me personally and professionally. Looking back at my career, I wasn’t very good at setting them for myself with my direct managers. I, again, learned a lot about myself by reflecting on my career and where I stand today.

Do you notice yourself being resentful, angry, or fully burnt out? I implore you to take a look at your boundaries, personal or professional. My guess is you’ll find deficiencies somewhere. Learn from them, grow from them. Boundaries are what help set us on the path for self-care and strong mental health. While you’re taking the time to self reflect, it may be a good time to also see if you’ve too disregarded someone else’s boundaries. Is that where the relationship conflict arose? Just an idea to think about boundaries in a full circle.

Just a gal setting and respecting boundaries in life…

3 Comments

  • Berna

    I deactivated all of my social medical accounts (which is how I’d normally get directed to this site). I needed a SM break. It’s been a rough 72 hours, and something told me to plug into your blog for words that I hoped could help me reground myself. So I had to Google your blog site. LOL! This entry was right on the money and exactly what I needed to read! Thanks always Steph! <3

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