Musings: Verbal Download

I haven’t done a purging of thoughts in a while, so here I am. Buckle up and get ready for the randomness train…

Food Musings – Do men think about their bodies and food as much as women? This was a question I’ve posed to a few friends. Of course, the immediate answer is no. We’ve come to the conclusion that men don’t sit idle thinking about their weight, their body, and their food intake. I’m sure it passes through their consciousness, but they don’t dwell as women do. It’s almost as if I am re-programming myself to have positive thoughts about food. Why do we call food ‘bad?’ Why are we so obsessed with being thin, thigh gaps, and hiding our imperfections? As much as I love my body and what it continues to do in the gym, I am so critical about it. All. The. Time. It feels as though I remind myself daily, to stop judging what I eat. I also remind myself that if I eat something ‘bad’ I will not fall into a downward spiral and gain 50 lbs. Rational me knows this is absurd. But my irrational thoughts always win over the rational ones.

Therapy Musings – My therapist suggested that being creative and dancing are two ways to help me slow down and be present.

Coloring – Somehow the topic of my adult coloring book came up in therapy. I must have mentioned how annoying it is, because of its intricacy. She highlighted this is exactly what I need to slow down and enjoy the creative process. The same notion came through with a promise to a five-year-old. She made each of us a drawing and was so excited to give it to us. I ask her what her favorite animal was and told her I’d draw her one soon. One night, I finally followed through on my promise. Because I have no idea how to draw a lion, I Googled it. As I was drawing and coloring my lion, I realized I was being critical. Then I told myself, no five-year old’s draw and color wondering if anyone would tell them it was ugly or weird looking. As an adult, I anticpate all the ways I should protect myself form ridicule or not feeling worthy, without any warrant. This may be leftover emotional stuff from my previous relationship. But also as adults, we become more cautious about everything. I thought about what if her mom shares it on social media and people make fun of it. Then, I had to sit and tell myself – WHO CARES?

Dancing – My therapist said dancing was a very therapeutic way to release emotions. I kept that little nugget tucked away, but as I danced the night away this weekend I realized it was so true. Dancing is so freeing and it was exactly what I needed. I’ve never been one to care about what I look like while I’m dancing, even if I’m off beat 😊

Gym Musings – Why does the cold weather make it so hard to enjoy the gym? Is it because with the warm weather we wear fewer clothes and are more self-aware of the skin we show? Is it because we want to stay warm and cozy and not freeze at the gym? Regardless, it seems that this time of year is more of a mental struggle versus a physical struggle. I still go every single day, but I do feel a mental shift during the cold weather months. Also, it takes more mental energy to remind myself to drink water when it’s cold, even if I’m dripping sweat. Our gym has gone through some serious changes over the last year. I’d still be super sad if I wasn’t a member of Midtown. I worry about it closing, but I know I shouldn’t.

Travel Musings – As my 35th trip around the sun is coming to an end, I’m excited how I am going to celebrate its ending. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do! Also, I’ve been in planning mode for the rest of the year. It gives me a little financial anxiety now, but I know it is necessary when you plan ahead for trips and vacations. This year should be fun, I hope I have enough vacation time to support my travel ideas 😉

Life Musings – I’ve been trying to not fill my schedule with too much stuff. I am also trying to say ‘no’ when I don’t want to do stuff, but that seems harder than making no plans. Does that make sense? The times I don’t make plans, the universe seems to manifest good things for me. It’s as if I am opening the door to life’s greatest surprises when I don’t pack my schedule full of things to do. I’m known for staying busy and I relish in that lifestyle, but I also know my mental health needs more of a break. I find myself asking myself if I am keeping busy to ignore some emotion or if I want to do what I have planned. If it’s not the first, then I’m okay. If it is, then I have to remind myself to stop avoiding whatever I don’t want to process and work through.

Social Media Musings – I know, you know, this is what I do for a living. To an extent. But, I also spend a lot of my spare time engrossed in it too. I see random stuff and I also participate in random stuff too. I am known to participate in the larger, weird blogger giveaways, but I don’t ever expect to win those. Recently, my social media antics paid off. I won two local promotions by liking posts and adding a comment. It’s so easy. I have a frame of reference from both perspectives. From running a social media promotion to being an active participant. I was super excited to win my FAVORITE things from Nugget Market, Vega Sport Protein, Vital Proteins Collagen, and a Blender Ball cup. A few days earlier, I also won a different social media promo with Lohman’s Plaza for a gift card to Noah’s Bagels. I don’t want to share how easy it is, but it is! It takes less than ten seconds to like a post and comment. The local contests seem more attainable, versus the larger ones offered. Some food for thought.

Friendship Musings – My heart swells with gratefulness for those who live alongside me. Deepening the friendships I already have has been the most important goal for me lately. New friends are welcomed, but at a very slow and cautious pace. I’ve also learned that there are a lot of people out there, close friends and acquaintances, who are just as lost as I feel at times. Their vulnerability to reach out to me has been cathartic, a blessing, and a tool for me to grow mentally and spiritually. Reminding others of their worth and to remember all things pass has been a gentle reminder for myself as well. These convos remind me to stay cognizant that unhealed people can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. When you are happy and content, you have mastered the ability to let others actions pass by you with no regard or reaction. Also, you will find peace when you realize their actions have nothing to do with you. You might also notice your peace will come when you realize the absence (of a person or situation) makes you better, not worse. I told you I wanted to be an emotional role model and am I working hard to do just that. No matter how hard or uncomfortable it makes me, I am trying. During this learning process, I’ve had to circle back and share my real truth or opinion, because I was too scared to share it at first. I see that as growth and a step in the right direction. As a friend, being authentic and vulnerable is the best type of friendship I can offer to someone. In return, I also hope my friends offer this version of themselves to me too.

W O W ! That was a lot. Hope you grabbed a cup of coffee and settled in to read this novel of a post. This is probably why I don’t do these very often, given the opportunity, I’ll write, write, and write more.

Thanks for letting me get all my musings out.

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