2019,  Musings,  Relationships

Musings: You’ve Been Blessed with a Broken Heart

But is it really a blessing?!?

Musings, Broken Heart, Blessing

I’m sure that’s what some will think when they read the title of this post. And about 85% of the time I’m sure I would have said the same thing. But today, I’ve learned it has been the biggest blessing I could have ever NOT asked for!

Netflix has really been coming through with some good entertainment recently. As I was looking for something new and light to watch, I saw “Someone Great” was recommended. It looked like it hit the marks for new and light, so I watched it.

It’s essentially a quick rom-com about a woman who was recently dumped by her long term boyfriend of nine years. Partly as a result of her about-to-relocate-across-the-country, but partly because they had run their course too. Also, add in she has to leave her two best friends too. NYC to SF. The movie is essentially the girl gang’s last fun adventure together, as she works through the hurt of her very recent breakup.

The scene that resonated was when Jenny (the main character) is talking to the guy whom she thought broke her heart in college, the one who she obsessed about, cried about, and felt she loved. As they were sitting talking at an after-party, Jenny confessed her love and longing for him in college. What she realized at that moment was that the love she thought she had for her college heartbreaker was not real, because what she felt in this moment was true heartbreak. He then told her to stop being so sad…

“You’re looking at it all wrong. You’ve been blessed with a broken heart. When it doesn’t hurt anymore that’s when its really over. Live in this as long as you can.”

I heard this and it resonated a lot. I caught smiling and agreeing as I heard these lines. Then hours later, I caught myself thinking about this statement again.

Coupled with someone recently asking me if I still love my ex, this quote from the movie felt so good to fully understand and appreciate. I can easily and confidently say that I am NOT in love with my ex and haven’t been for a while. What I once confused as still loving him was something more akin to loving the idea of what we could have had, but not actually loving him. Now I can see the difference. I’ll always hold space and love for him in my heart, but I don’t love him. Sometimes I wonder if I ever fully loved him. I loved a lot about our relationship and our dynamic, but I seemed to love the potential of what I thought he could be more than actually loving him. As I say this, I realize how unfair to him and myself that was and is.

Telling someone they are blessed to feel heartbroken and live in it sounds so absurd until it doesn’t. Until knowing that not everyone gets to feel and heal from something like that, means that that experience is special. Even though everything feels dark, sad, and awful for a while…those feelings eventually go away. And when they do, the clarity that arises is something not everyone can or will experience. So when he said this to Jenny, I got it. I probably wouldn’t have gotten it a year ago. But I get it now.

I’m so happy to be at the point where I am now. I refuse to hide who I am, no matter who it offends. I want those in my life to embrace the authentic person I am. I want to show up and be present and the best version of myself for that day…obviously, still a work in progress! It won’t always be the best version, but as long as I do the best for that day, then I will be happy with myself. Recently, life has been showing me how to practice mindfulness and I’m listening. I want to be mindful, present, and authentic. It’s one thing to say that in this space, but it is another to live it each day, minute by minute, hour by hour. Its hard and I’ll have to reset myself, but I have the tools and I appreciate and acknowledge the process.

While I’m learning and healing through a tough lesson in love, I love the experiences, the growth, and the lessons that I’ve walked away with. What I once felt encompassed me in sadness, are now just fond memories of a part of my past. I get to be the best version of me, for me, with me. And for that, I feel blessed to have had a broken heart.

Some things need to break so they can heal…

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