• 2020,  Body,  Boudoir,  Health,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: A Reminder for the Days I Struggle with My Body

    Loving yourself is hard. I get it, girl. I really do! Society reminds us daily, even hourly, that our standard of beauty is absolute shit, but we still believe it. Skinny is not everything, but it’s been ingrained in us, by us I mean women, for so long we believe it is what we should look like and strive to be. We must unlearn it. We must reframe our thoughts. I am tired of hating my body. I am tired of shaming myself becuase of my body. I am tired of thinking about my body all the time. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to…

  • 2020,  Dating,  Friends,  Mental Health

    Musings: Never Did I Imagine

    If you ever find yourself in a situationship… RUN! Okay, I’m not here to tell you what to do with yourself or your emotions, feelings, or heart. Buuuuttt… Never did I think I’d find myself in a situationship, let alone ending it for a second time. Probably more than that, if we are being technical. First, I would be remiss if I didn’t own up to my own shit. Post 4.5 year relationship, I’ve had some stuff to work through. And I have. And I still have more work to do. I thank therapy (and amazing friends) for being equipped with so many tools for my mental health, self-worth/love, and…

  • 2020,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: Ambivalence, Yes Please

    Do you believe in serendipity? I do. As life unfolds, I see it in more and more. I’ve also come to learn and embrace my intuition. That feeling, I didn’t really know what it was for a long time. It’s hard to articulate, but I just feel things. Apparently it’s a Pisces trait. I dabble and enjoy astrology, but I don’t know how invested I am in it. But I will tell you, my intuition, even when I don’t want to listen to it or accept it, seems to usually be spot on, for whatever reason. I’m leaning into it though. So, over the last weekend one word repeated itself…

  • 2020,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: Loving Me is Hard

    And I credit my parents for that. AND I mean that in the most thoughtful way possible. Recently, I was having a convo with a friend, when they pointed out a few things. And not in a malicious way, I was very interested in their assessment of me, in regards to relationships. They said, “You need a weak man. And you are SOOO damn bull-headed.” They also went on to share that I act as if I was previously in a toxic and/or abusive relationship. To be followed with I overthink too much. Is this critical, yes. Was I upset, no? I was intent to understand their assessment because, at…

  • 2020,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: 2020 Intention Set

    No new year, new me BS! But you already know that. Never been one for resolutions, but I am one for goals. I don’t share or set them very often either. But I think setting an intention for 2020 is something I could get behind. I like the idea of having a word that I can strive for, think about, and reflect on for the entire year. I have never done this before, so we shall see how it goes. I think an intention is a hybrid of a goal and an aspiration. Setting an intention activates my ability to be receptive, manifest, and put out what I intend to…

  • 2019,  Health,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: What the Stress?

    Let the bullshit blow in the breeze. The Pharcyde lyrics that are imprinted in my heart and mind. However, no matter how many times I repeat that line when I’m in the thick of it, it doesn’t help. It also doesn’t help when I cannot identify when I’m stressed. Does that happen to you? Do you know your stressors? Do you know how to de-stress yourself? Well, shit! Neither do I apparently. Recently, I’ve become so stressed my immune system was repressed, which eventually led to a flare up of Shingles. Yes, you’ve read that correctly. Shingles. Like what old people get. I’m digressing, but really it was the highlight…

  • 2019,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: October Reset

    Fall has me in my feels. Well, I think it’s a bunch of life things happening, but I have an overwhelming sense that I need a reset of sorts. I need to start fresh if you will. Fall recently arrived, but the Sacramento weather has taken an unexpected chilly turn. I’m used to October still hovering in the 80s for a couple of weeks, but we are now in the brisk 60s. This weather change has coincided with some life changes. Not even big or anything I want to detail out here, but just change. Change happens all the time, but sometimes its more impactful than we realize. It felt…

  • 2019,  Mental Health,  Musings

    Musings: I Realized I’m a People Pleaser

    And I’m not okay with it… …at all! I want to write about this because it took hours of therapy and self-reflection to truly understand this. Then it took a while to accept this, but more importantly, I’m learning from it. And for that, I’m grateful I recognized it and can move forward in a different direction. There is definitely a spectrum of people-pleasing, and I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t have an eager to please that stems from self-worth issues. In turn, I do act according to how rejected and/or accepted I anticipate an outcome will happen. The most important part of my process of understanding my people-pleasing…

  • 2019,  Mental Health,  Musings,  Relationships,  Therapy

    Musings: Growth is Ugly

    Yet so rewarding. Growth and healing are a beautiful struggle I’ve experienced lately, across all parts of my life; family, friends, and personal relationships. It’s most impacted the way I communicate with these different people overall. I see the differences, resulting from healing and actively trying to grow into the best version of myself. Things don’t bug me as they used too. I don’t hold on to anger, nor do I associate its origin with anyone or anything else. I have learned to let things go. Some are worth my time and voice, and some just plain aren’t anymore. This means fewer relationships and more peace. I don’t know when…

  • 2019,  Fitness,  Mental Health,  Midtown Strength & Conditioning,  Musings

    Musings: OOO Every Thursday

    Something needed to change… …and it was on me. I feel a little fraudulent. I tend to share a lot of self-love, growth, and healing posts on social media and even here on the blog. But YET AGAIN, I find myself not listening to my own body. 10 amazing days in Hawaii, followed by a non-stop schedule when I touched down at home. All (kinda) came to a halt when my body decided to remind my mind to STOP. Slow down and stop going so fast. Be by yourself, be still. It isn’t until my body starts to shut down, do I slow down. I know this, yet I don’t practice…