• 2019,  Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: You’ve Been Blessed with a Broken Heart

    But is it really a blessing?!? I’m sure that’s what some will think when they read the title of this post. And about 85% of the time I’m sure I would have said the same thing. But today, I’ve learned it has been the biggest blessing I could have ever NOT asked for! Netflix has really been coming through with some good entertainment recently. As I was looking for something new and light to watch, I saw “Someone Great” was recommended. It looked like it hit the marks for new and light, so I watched it. It’s essentially a quick rom-com about a woman who was recently dumped by her…

  • 2018,  Family,  Friends,  Musings,  Relationships,  Wellness,  Wine

    Musings: A SURPRISE Breakup Party

    No Juan was harmed during this celebration! I feel like this type of thing only happens to Real Housewives of [insert hella different cities] or on SATC! N E V E R did I imagine my girl tribe would surprise me with a breakup party! I woke up the next day with the largest smile I’ve had in a long time and even caught myself literally laughing out loud to myself, about the antics of a wonderful evening celebrating my breakup. The group chat for the entire next day was literally giving me life and had me laughing out loud in my cubicle and at the gym! Seriously, I am…

  • 2018,  Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: It’s Our Breakupversary!

    Why shouldn’t one celebrate a break-up? We (kinda) celebrated (more like I did, he could have cared less) our date-aversary and our anniversary. So, hell yeah, I’m happy to have survived three full months of having my life changed with one conversation. One decision. When your break-up lands on Friday the 13th you know it’s something special 😉 Lucky me, huh? It’s okay to not be okay. It’s one thing to say it, but it’s one thing to truly believe it and FEEL it. So, here we are. A full three months since we had that fateful conversation in the early morning hours on Friday the 13th in April. That woman that sat…

  • 2018,  Fitness,  Health,  Relationships,  Wellness

    Musings: Stop Calling it the Break Up Diet

    I’ve always joked about it….we all joke about it… But I need to stop. I think everyone should stop. It happened with my first break up in 2005. I lost some weight, cried some, and did not know how to handle my sadness of ending a six-year relationship with my first, young love. I chose to use partying to hide anything I was feeling, but I could because I was 300+ miles away from the culprit and most of my support system too. I was too young and probably immature to realize there might have been a mental health issue attached to the breakup. As cliche as it is, I…

  • Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: Vulnerability is Beautiful

    …and it has always been beautiful. I allowed my stigma of shame to overshadow my ability to understand this. I could never have understood this before Juan broke my heart. It took that rock bottom to learn this lesson, among others. I’ve never been this vulnerable in my entire life.  Not even with Juan. Not with anyone. I am, by my own accounts, a fairly strong woman. I am confident, I am strong, and I have a good head on my shoulders. The heartache and despair of the breakup have paralyzed me in my own shame, especially the stigma of shame. I know I am a strong woman and in my…

  • 2018,  Giant Race Series,  Running,  Sacramento,  SF Giants

    Race Recap – Riverfront 5k 2018

    No expectations, no worries. Since this race was literally one-week post break-up with J, I was still a huge emotional mess. I knew that wouldn’t stop me from physically running this race, but I also didn’t care about it. AT. ALL. Literally, it was the furthest thing from my mind. But, a commitment is a commitment and I don’t ever leave those unattended. From the lack of sleep and appetite to the emotional heartache I was dealing with, trying to comprehend a real race was truly just not something I could emotionally burn calories on. Not to mention, we were supposed to run this race together with Lil 🙁 I…

  • 2018,  Relationships

    Musings: I Had to Breakup with L too…

    I think I lost my manual somewhere. HAHA. I can’t even type that without smiling and laughing. There is NO manual for being whatever you want to call the role that I played in L’s life. Bonus Mom is probably the most accurate because I wasn’t her Step Mom. I’m not her Mom. I’m just Daddy’s girlfriend, Stephanie. That’s what I am to her. Stephanie. And I love being Stephanie to her. Although I don’t think it even needs to be said, I will say it. I never ONCE believed I was her Mom. She has a mom and I respect the role that I fell into. What NO ONE tells you…

  • 2018,  Relationships

    Musings: These Eyes

    …never saw you leaving. Who knew that sharing such raw emotions and authenticity would be so empowering, so relieving, and so helpful through a deep, dark process? It wasn’t the cure, by FAR, but it helped. The love and responses received after Musings: Hundreds in Therapy, Later was overwhelming in the best way possible. I did not write that post for any other person, than myself. I still, after a full month post-break-up, have a hard time saying I’m single. I have a hard time not saying we or bringing up stories of us. It’s still raw, painful, and a pit of sadness still resides inside of me. Some days are better than others, some are not. I…

  • 2018,  Relationships

    Musings: Hundreds in Therapy, Later

    I think I knew it was coming… …our normal arguing seemed different this time around. His reaction to it all was very different. I’d seen him do this before. I knew what was coming next. I knew the time spent with his family, was him organizing his next steps. That fateful night, I almost didn’t have the conversation with him. I let down my fear and I opened my door (literally and figuratively) to hear what no woman in a long-term relationship wants to hear. It was over. Without grace and shamefully, over the next couple of days, I tried to talk my way through my pain and ignore what…