• 2019,  Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: The BIG Question

    The question that everyone keeps asking me. I get it, it’s the perfunctory question that society tells us to ask someone who is recently-ish single. Akin to asking newlyweds when they are going to have children. Pls do not misconstrue this as saying this is right or what you should do, but its a societal norm — a norm we should be cognizant of and really ask ourselves if its a necessity. I know people aren’t asking for malicious reasons, they are just checking in with me. But it is awkward to answer, just as I’m sure it is a little awkward for people to ask someone else. What’s next?…

  • 2018,  Musings,  Relationships,  Wellness

    Musings: Moving On

    …and letting go. This seems to be the last and hardest part of the relationship process. Obviously with a breakup, but also with any relationship ending too. Or any situation that has posed strife or hardships. While they are independent, moving on and letting go, most times one precludes the other. Not always, but sometimes. This has, by far, been the hardest thing for me to do. I can’t control it and when I do, I only makes it harder on myself. My intuition is too good, sometimes I try to ignore it. The evening I heard Juan speaking Spanish to someone on the phone late at night, I knew. My…

  • 2018,  Friends,  Guest Post

    Guest Post – Grow Through What You Go Through

    Friendships grow where you water them. Well, not always, but that’s okay. I could have sworn all the guest posts were from last year, only to find out they were a lot earlier than that. 2015 to 2016 was when six amazing women authored guest blog posts for me. I thought it was time to ask another friend to give it a go! As I’ve continued my journey to heal my broken heart, I’ve watered a friendship that has been a seedling for a handful of years. It wasn’t until more recently with very different, but very large things happening in our lives respectively, we found that watering our friendship has…

  • 2018,  Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: It’s Our Breakupversary!

    Why shouldn’t one celebrate a break-up? We (kinda) celebrated (more like I did, he could have cared less) our date-aversary and our anniversary. So, hell yeah, I’m happy to have survived three full months of having my life changed with one conversation. One decision. When your break-up lands on Friday the 13th you know it’s something special 😉 Lucky me, huh? It’s okay to not be okay. It’s one thing to say it, but it’s one thing to truly believe it and FEEL it. So, here we are. A full three months since we had that fateful conversation in the early morning hours on Friday the 13th in April. That woman that sat…

  • 2018,  Family,  Musings,  Relationships

    What I Learned From Being a Bonus Mom/Daddy’s Girlfriend

    I’ve been wanting to write this for awhile… ..but over the last six-plus months this topic has been sitting in my drafts section, my life and role in L’s life have changed. So instead of talking about it in the first person, I can now write about it with reflection, since I was abruptly removed from this role. In a previous post, I said goodbye to L. I didn’t know that last time I saw L would actually be the last time I saw her. But it was. I do hope I see her in the future, but I don’t think it will happen. I have accepted it. I am where…

  • 2018,  Musings,  Wellness

    Musings: Cannabis + The Red Tent

    What in the WORLD could these two things have in common? Well, they are the themes of two events I attended last week. During my process through self-exploration and growth, I have wanted to challenge myself. Challenge my perceptions, beliefs, and perceived thoughts. It has been a challenge all right! But worth it… Cannabis as I now call it, no longer weed or marijuana, has always had a stigma with it in my mind, thoughts, and perceptions. I’ve never hidden this, but I’ve always somewhat accepted and supported friends who use this plant — recreationally or medicinally. However, I did and do have my opinions about it. As its prevalence grows, in…

  • 2018,  Fitness,  Health,  Relationships,  Wellness

    Musings: Stop Calling it the Break Up Diet

    I’ve always joked about it….we all joke about it… But I need to stop. I think everyone should stop. It happened with my first break up in 2005. I lost some weight, cried some, and did not know how to handle my sadness of ending a six-year relationship with my first, young love. I chose to use partying to hide anything I was feeling, but I could because I was 300+ miles away from the culprit and most of my support system too. I was too young and probably immature to realize there might have been a mental health issue attached to the breakup. As cliche as it is, I…

  • Musings,  Relationships

    Musings: Babble, babble, babble…

    Today, I have nothing important to say… …but I have a lot of nothing important to say. Lots of thoughts. Lots of reflection. Lots of changing parts. Lots of seeking who I want to be. Re-learning who I am. There are a few things I know for certain. At the end of each day, I want to be proud of the person I have become. I want to be unabashedly proud of how hard and how much I loved, despite the potential hurt for giving my heart and love away so freely. I want to be proud of my life. I want to be proud of the effort I showed…

  • 2018,  Giant Race Series,  Running,  Sacramento,  SF Giants

    Race Recap – Riverfront 5k 2018

    No expectations, no worries. Since this race was literally one-week post break-up with J, I was still a huge emotional mess. I knew that wouldn’t stop me from physically running this race, but I also didn’t care about it. AT. ALL. Literally, it was the furthest thing from my mind. But, a commitment is a commitment and I don’t ever leave those unattended. From the lack of sleep and appetite to the emotional heartache I was dealing with, trying to comprehend a real race was truly just not something I could emotionally burn calories on. Not to mention, we were supposed to run this race together with Lil 🙁 I…

  • 2018,  Relationships

    Musings: I Had to Breakup with L too…

    I think I lost my manual somewhere. HAHA. I can’t even type that without smiling and laughing. There is NO manual for being whatever you want to call the role that I played in L’s life. Bonus Mom is probably the most accurate because I wasn’t her Step Mom. I’m not her Mom. I’m just Daddy’s girlfriend, Stephanie. That’s what I am to her. Stephanie. And I love being Stephanie to her. Although I don’t think it even needs to be said, I will say it. I never ONCE believed I was her Mom. She has a mom and I respect the role that I fell into. What NO ONE tells you…